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  • Writer's pictureCamp Goldston Publishing, LLC

Fighting to Breathe: Chronicles from Facebook

Indeed, it is Mornin’ Time!  Global Awareness has shifted to a place where we have been awakened, devastated, and must find our way to vent emotions, breathe, and make ready to move.  Garden Spices chronicled Facebook posts that heard hurting hearts.  Unedited and strong in voice, this document will serve as proof that we are here in 2020 singing a familiar song. – Victorine


I CAN’T BREATHE!!! I cried yesterday and woke up early this morning at 3 a.m. in tears and trying to post my feelings but could not. I am tired and weary! Now I know how my parents and older relatives felt when they made that statement. I’m in my feelings from ALL the events, murders, false accusations, happening, and worried. Never been as worried before especially for my son Arthur who is 51 years, autistic, and loves his freedom of movement in our community. Yes, we talk to him but we know if approached in a scary manner he will become agitated. I’m in the process of trying to ensure through a friend that local law enforcement knows him and his condition (autism).

I hope folks will now understand why Colin Kaepernick took the knee. It’s for all the unjust issues we have dealt with and are dealing with now. So much racism in this country!! Y’all just see what’s on film. So much happens that the public does not see and it’s been happening all my life, thus all the Black men/women being released from prisons and millions being paid to them because they were finally proven innocent. I could go on and on, but I’m tired and weary. If anyone is offended by my post, please unfriend me at this time because I truly do not care now. Please don’t private message me for your thoughts because if you want to say something to me be man or woman to say it here. Please PRAY🙏🏽. Remember God, Love, and Family First!!! 😢😢

i just want everyone to know that my silence is not neutrality. my inability to formulate a post eloquently enough is not the lack of feelings towards all of the death and chaos i’m seeing.

i’m not ok, i don’t think anyone Black is ok. i’m feeling a myriad of emotions and i can’t process them at the same rate of new information from the news and social media.

i was already experiencing racial battle fatigue, and then anxiousness about the pandemic, and now all of this has occurred.

it’s a hard, hard time for Black people. many of us are struggling or angry or depressed or all of the above. we’re trying. please be patient.

i apologize if i am not as responsive as usual or if i am not engaging as much as i usually do. i’m really tired.

As I sit here…I ponder and hesitate on whether I should post on all the disheartening action that’s been taking place for the last few years. I AM NOT OK….Our Children…Our Men… Are Human Beings and are IRREPLACEABLE. It’s been said, “prayer changes things and people too”. Every day I pray that my guys come home ALIVE…When is the CHANGE GOING TO COME?? My Daddy would always say “if you continue to do the same thing, you will continue to get the same results.” So, here I Am, yes I’m angry, sad, numb and most of the time speechless. I refuse to accept this as the new normal!!! I refuse to continue to go day to day and laugh and SMDH to keep from crying. This is Serious, lives are being taken in the streets at the hands of the people we hold to the highest regards. Lives are being taken due to Covid19 simply because of the lack of response from the Office we hold to the highest regards and we all know its the TRUTH. If you value human life, know the difference between right and wrong, and say you are a Christian…you should also be “sick and tired of being sick and tired”. I will stand in the gap to protect my guys, I will stand for what is right, I will treat my fellow man/woman with respect and love. Lets just be clear I will be vocal, proactive, unwavering and unapologetic. I’m not trying to get understanding any longer, because in reality there is none. THIS IS AMERICAN….THIS IS RIGHT VS WRONG Responsibility and Accountability can no longer be overlooked. We Deserve Better…

My heart is full today. I have always been the only black girl, woman, mother, person in most settings. I hear and see what and who says what. I hear what you say to me then I read your post. I have gently tried to educate and correct. So here is a more direct approach.

Black Lives Matter. Please don’t reply but God created everyone. All Lives Matter. It hurts people of color. We know all lives matter. We are saying PLEASE LET OUR LIVES MATTER AS MUCH AS YOURS, ABORTED BABIES, A MONUMENT, DOGS, CAT, AND A FLAG.

When you post about protest and rioting realize they are not the same. Really honestly and openly see how we got to that point. Hint it’s not political parties. Republicans and Democrats don’t care about people of color. They just need votes. Also, look at incited the riot. The death of Floyd was the tipping point. The protest is for all black men and women who have died and justice was not given.

Yes, it is a sin problem. Sins of this nation from conceptions have not acknowledged the truth of how it treated people of color from Native Americans, Japanese Americans, African Americans just to name some. The USA gave acknowledgment of wrong and reparations to everyone nation and except for African Americans. We never saw ten acres and a mule as promised.

Sins of this nation have created a sin problem of the heart. So woven into the fabric of America it is normal. Even those who feel I’m not racist I don’t see color—–have beliefs and views that can be and don’t know it. Doesn’t make you bad just unaware. Your black friends usually don’t say anything. They’re used to it. It doesn’t just fall on one side. There are awful people in all races. I ask, who holds the power to cause the most harm system-wide is not people of color. I and most blacks do not hate white people. I tell my children grandchildren and others. Without caring whites, the underground railroad and civil rights in MLK day would not have happened.

I may sound harsh to many. Some will hate this post and refuse to see or admit any of it as the truth. Race issues are a direct domino effect systematic and ongoing inequality, injustice, and hatred. Most whites have nothing to do with how it is set up. I ask that you do understand and care.

We must listen and not dismiss how racism is an issue in this country. And President Obama didn’t bring it back—it has never been gone. If you have never experienced a tornado that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Because you haven’t experienced daily systematic racism in America it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Examine yourself. When you hear BLM do you respond ALM or if BLM why blacks lead in Abortions etc? Why that response rather than yes, BLM and you matter to me. How can we make a change together?

So, I’m at Giant picking up a few items, a short time ago. I proceed to the sign that says “STOP”. I waited my turn to move to the next open register. I make sure that I remained 6 ft behind the lady who is checking out. When I noticed that she (a white woman) kept looking back at me. Then, the woman says to the cashier, “I don’t think that he ( meaning me) knows where the line begins and repeats it. Then, the cashier yells over at me “excuse me, sir”. I cut her off and told both of them that I know the procedure well because I shop there several times a week. I go on to say to the customer “I don’t know why it’s any of your damn business anyway. She puts her head down and apologizes to the cashier. (No apology to me, of course). Y’ALL DON’T KNOW THAT IT TOOK JESUS THE CHRIST TO SHUT MY MOUTH AND HOLD ME BACK!!!!!! 🙄

 Cheryl Green

This pisspoor horrible excuse for a human being murdering Chauvin is cut from the same dung heap as this miserable inept fascist soulless racist tyrant who will never rise above his basic narcissism and basic inadequacy as a leader. 45 has failed in every instance as a leader and his remarks are an insult to decent humanity. How does a human kneel in the neck casually and wait until he dies begging for his life despite the pleas of passers-by to stop or attempt? This is not law enforcement No action justified this abomination. Darnella Frazier is a heroine for recording this incident. Bless her and protect her. Chauvin is a murderer in the 1at degree homicide. The inaction of the other three requires criminal charges. Floyd died calling for his mother Lord Help Us as a nation. They killed that man and this must stop.

Shirley Creed I Heard A Young Black Man Talking To An Older Black Man In Hyde Park Yesterday, Talking About The Looting! He Said Man I Wish I Could Get To A Jewelry Store!! My Heart Sank To Hear Him Say That!! As Am Writing This They Are Looting The Strip Mall And Walmart On 83rd! Bunches Of Young Black Criminals, With No Concern About George Floyd! Just What They Can Steal! This Is Like A Nightmare! And They Are Possible Spreading The Virus!!! I Hear Helicopters Over My House Right Now, Because Of The Looting And Shooting On 47th Street! This Is Bad!!!

Cassie Mebane

I was sitting here trying to find some type of positive energy. I thought about our history and realized that history is in repeat. A positive change will happen🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 The infiltrators (agent provocateurs) are making things worse. We have an incompetent, heartless, and evil person in leadership. I am afraid for the protesters that are sincere. I saw the live video of the young black man standing with his hands up and the officer pulled that young man’s mask down off his face and pepper-sprayed him. Then, the peaceful, young black lady that was shot in the head with the rubber bullet. I am sick to my stomach. This is the 21st century. PEOPLE are taking trips to the moon and racial violence and hatred are rampant. What in the world!!! I have not slept peacefully. I cannot believe what I am seeing, yet I do. So many are SILENT. My parents said this is just like the ’50s and ’60s. They said the only difference is we see the proof and truth instantaneously with social media. They said so many of them were murdered back then by the police and government, but no proof. We all see it now as it happens, but no consequences. #sickening TODAY is the DAY OF PENTECOST, YET IT FEELS LIKE DOOM AND GLOOM. I KNOW GOD WILL SHOW US THE VICTORY AND JOY. I HAVE TO KEEP MY FAITH STRONG AND BELIEVE!!!!!!! I AM JUST BEING REAL.

After coming off one of the saddest days of my life, I have to ponder recent events surrounding the murder of George Floyd. First I wanted to establish that there was an actual call for a counterfeit bill on Him. Yes, there was a call, which I posted. BUT The store owner told His employee to call the police on the police after witnessing that Derek Chauvin was murdering George Floyd. Was this call responded to?

Next, because of the prior conflicting attitudes they had with each other as night club security guards, (Floyd stopped Chauvin several times from repeatedly pepper spraying Black Patrons of the club) Derek Chauvin had made up his mind to murder Floyd as soon as He saw it was Him. Even if that wasn’t the case, abusing one’s power and authority, such as a badge to commit murder should be 1st-degree capital murder automatically, and the riots will not stop until the people get it.

I hate to say it, but it seems to take some level of violence for authorities to get the message. we’ve been peacefully demonstrating for Black lives matter for over a decade and I challenge anyone to show me where one policeman has been tried, convicted, and jailed for murdering an unarmed Black person during that time. Our voting rights were not gained by marching peacefully, they were gained through warfare between racist southern police and klansmen against the Deacons for Defense, providing armed escorts to the polling places, but that wasn’t revealed for over two decades afterward.

Why does it take violence for y’all to do the right thing? It’s because bullies don’t respect peace, it just encourages more and more bullying. Yes, this is a Black Lives Matter protest, but it is being led by Anti-Fa, a group prone to use violent methods to achieve its goals. But Anti-Fa did not trigger the violence that triggered the nationwide violence. It was a Police provocateur from the St. Paul department named Jacob Pederson with His hammer and umbrella who triggered it. Even his own wife positively identified him, yet Snopes calls it “unproven” and Mark Zukerberg initially pulled the footage of Pederson smashing Auto Zone as “Against Community Standards”, why? The people are getting the okeydoke from those in power.

I predicted this would happen and it’s not over. When the demonstrations are over, Police will find themselves getting sniped at and that’s a shame. The majority of police are good police but they will find themselves being sniped at because of the criminal elements within various police forces. I know good policemen and I would hate to hear about them being shot.  BET just had a 9-minute commercial called “I Can’t Breathe” during their broadcast of The Players Club. Momentum is picking up and it will not stop until the appropriate changes are made.

Story from the UK:

I have never shared this with my FB friends, but many many years ago in the UK my mother was on her way home from her evening job. Her neck was bothering her because a month or so before she had been in an accident that resulted in her having a brace around her neck. She got stopped by a police car with several police officers who demanded to see her license. Then she suddenly got dragged out of the car and her shirt was ripped open. Then Her neck was pressed sideways on the ground (remember she had been in an accident with a brace around her neck). She told the officer who was doing it she could not breathe over and over again. The officer kept her neck pressed on the ground. It took the courage of a young white officer present to tell his senior white Chief to stop. Because of that officer and most probably my mom’s ancestors she is alive today. This is the memory that has been triggered for me and my mom with this latest death. It is a collective trauma we of brown and black bodies are bearing. I was talking to my mom and I know she will not mind me sharing, when she said, “I know what that feels like not been able to breathe because you are pinned down on the ground.” I did everything I could to stop myself from crying tonight. But I did cry tonight, as everything burns. The trauma is stirred up once again and tonight I cannot even find the strength to meditate and pray. My prayer sounded more like this, : “ancestors, Osun, holy ones where are you. Why is this happening?” …..On a final note regarding my mom’s story, despite her trauma and discouragement from others, she had the courage to press charges against the police, and five or more years later she won an apology and a settlement. A highly unusual outcome. Thank God my mom is alive, but George Floyd is not……Omileye Achikeobi-Lewis

Charlene Carter This morning my son was jogging in Jacksonville Florida. White men in a truck slowed down and called him a NIGGER and speed off. I was initially pissed however after the anger passed I cried and gave thanks that no harm came to him. Fear has always lurked in the back of my mind being the mother of two black sons. This is just one of many examples of racism that my family has experienced. We have just dealt with it and kept it moving. It’s time for a change

Apparently, there are some people who want a nonviolent riot. These people do not understand what a riot is or the circumstances from which the riot sprang. There is no such thing as a peaceful riot. Riots do not happen because people are happy with their situations. Riots do not happen overnight or over one thing. When the oppression and the systemic violence against a population become too much, a riot occurs. Riots do not happen in populations where people are treated fairly. The government’s outright refusal to listen over a course of years usually is the cause of a riot. What I want you to understand this, the time for non-violence is before the riot starts. That is the time to listen to people. That is the time to grow understanding between the government and the governed. When the riot starts, the time for listening and understanding is done. Every time you didn’t listen to someone telling you of their pain you got to step closer to this. Don’t act like you want to hear it now.

Marlon Hayes

Food deserts have become completely barren in one horrible day. The few resources to be had on the South Side have been destroyed. Everyone doesn’t have a car or any means of transportation. But… I don’t wanna hear about it. Because justifiable rage is one thing, but sentencing one’s own community to even rougher times has got to be worse than killing a mockingbird.

I’m not gonna argue with folks who didn’t bat an eye at Kap’s treatment, or shrugged off LaQuan, Trayvon, etc. Ditto for those who have turned a blind eye at the recent looting of the Treasury Department via buybacks/bailouts. Be as vigilant in your righteous indignation of us as you have been with them…

Thanks for those who texted and called yesterday. We’re fine over here. It was a day of hugs, tears, and laughter bordering on hysteria as we listened and watched a female commentator describing the scene on 83rd and Stewart. It was as long a day for us as the eleventh day of September back in ’01.

We’ll pray for the best, and I hope yesterday was as bad as it will be. I just feel like we fell for the banana in the tailpipe…

(At work yesterday) White girl: What do u think about the peaceful protests? Me: Well I Her: cause there’s no such thing as a peaceful protest Me: See I expect that answer from a non-black person so I don’t wanna talk to you- the white girl but I’ll talk to you- my white friend.. listen a peaceful protest is ALWAYS peaceful……… until it’s NOT!! Meaning it’s people like you that don’t understand why we are protesting.. during our protest we may yell, rant, be angry, cry or even pray BUT we are doing it amongst ourselves and that’s ok,,, it’s when people like u come disrupting the cause which causes us to stop what we are doing to check y’al’s ignorance and that causes the unrest… She hugged me and said a peaceful protest is peaceful….. until it’s not… I never thought of that🙄🙄

Some people are asking the question “How can I understand racism if I don’t see that it is there?”Racism is like a disease. My late husband had kidney disease if you don’t know the devastation that chronic kidney disease can cause then research. My husband to most appeared to be healthy and some people often questioned if he was really chronically ill. What these people could see visually was the breaking down of his body on the inside. He went to work faithfully and worked harder than most with a smile, but the pain was there even though many could not see it for themselves. I could not feel his physical pain but because I could not do I dare question that it’s not there because I can see it or feel it? No of course not. I believed what he said and tried my best to help him heal. Moral of the story just because we do see it feel it or experience does not mean it’s not there. Racism causes devastation and pain deep within like a chronic disease. Just my two cents.

Understand This: When the day arrives that I’m referred to as a DESIGNER/ARTIST not a BLACK DESIGNER/ARTIST … While Donna Karan remains a “Designer” NOT a WHITE DESIGNER … You’ll get it!

That’s systemic racism. It’s simply THAT simple!

Yeah … I know, you’re scratching your head.

I KNOW ALL LIVES MATTER…. But, I don’t see other lives, hunted down, trampled down, wrestled down, and shot down by police and white supremacists, so there needs to be a Reminder that BLACK LIVES MATTER, too !!!!! I Stand with BLACK LIVES MATTER !!!

Sunday morning:

We are witnessing a cosmic, spiritual shift, a God thing. It has expressed itself as a crisis in our environment, as political rancor, as injustice – a virus, all to ultimately take us to the truth of who and what we are – love in evolution.

I journal through Facebook and have chronicled much of our movement through this shift. This day, I am declaring that I have never witnessed such an outpouring of emotions on every level. I intend to process my pain, but I cannot help but feel the overwhelming hope that a new universe is brewing.

“…joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:1-5 ESV. “Hope is the one thing stronger than fear” Buddha’s teaching “True teaching is not an accumulation of knowledge; it is an awakening of consciousness which goes through successive stages” Kemetic proverb


Chronicled image:  Deanna Wolcott-Kemp

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