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The Amazing Gift and Insult of Aging
- Jonathan David Cain
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Aging….yeah, it sure happens. The amazing gift and insult of aging is that we hopefully gain wisdom, but often get it too late to change course. If you get it early, you have either been paying close attention or divinely favored. I think that’s why we ‘older folks’ look at the youngins and shake our heads or get really frustrated with them. Of course, we didn’t listen much either, I guess. I mean, wasn’t I just 20 yesterday?! Geez, it is a fast ride. I remember well my great-grandmother saying once, “I was a young girl yesterday.” We've all met them - the old young people and the young old people. So much of aging is far less about our aches and pains and much more to do with how we perceive our lives – is it over or still an exciting journey?
I started thinking about that inevitable question of what I’d say to my younger self if I stumbled into that magic time machine we fantasize about. Some things I wouldn’t change at all. But then there are all of those other uncomfortable moments that accumulate to make what we call our lives. My life is not exceptional. I’ve had my fair share of trapdoors that opened up under me, dropping me into a free fall, and equally incredible gifts of alignment and time that moved me into new levels.
During this Autumn of my life, I’m wrestling with the big questions - ‘Why am I here?’, ‘What is left to accomplish? ‘Is this IT? Really?!’ Some days I look in the mirror and think, “Who the hell are you?!” I'm 54 barreling toward 55, which I would like to politely consider middle age…but do I really plan on being alive to be 110?! Truthfully, middle age is somewhere around 35-40. I heard those gasps – Yeah, that freaks me out too. I try most days to ignore the new white chest hair (the ultimate insult to guys that announces – yep! Sir, you in fact have arrived) or worse, that 2” long white eyebrow hair that unapologetically and proudly sticks straight out. Of course, there is that knuckle that doesn’t feel just right or the fact that nobody speaks clearly anymore (couldn’t possibly be my hearing. Absolutely not!) or that I don’t recognize my own hands anymore. I mean, where did that crepe skin come from? When did I sign up to be the Crypt Keeper?
I mean, if I need a clear reminder that I’m aging, it certainly comes in the form of ‘It’s time to refill your prescriptions. Reply REFILL. But all of that is the easy stuff. You want a challenge? Try being a fresh out of the closet, uncomfortably single, middle-aged, gay guy who really wants to find his one somebody in a culture toxically obsessed with youth, beauty, and physical fitness. It is hard to compete with these little Greek gods running around out here. Adonis appears to be emanating from every gym. Trust me, he’s out there, and every guy I’ve met that might be a good fit for me, you guessed it – obsessed with the young guys. Give me a minute – Bitter party of one..now seating bitter..party of one.
I’m currently navigating my ‘second adolescence’ as if walking through it the first time wasn’t hair-raising enough. Imagine having new experiences and being all thumbs in your own life at 54. Yeah, some days I marvel at my own idiocy. Who knew I could be a newbie at anything at 54?! Life is funny that way. The Universe does love a curveball, which brings me full circle to what I would say to my younger self – that scared, closeted, confused, depressed kid in high school. You may have known him, or in my case, been him - the one who was too afraid to speak his truth, too afraid to demand his space, trying to make sense of a crazy world and his place in it. That kid who could go really silent or who was driving playing chicken with telephone poles on more days than I can remember.
I would tell him this – Baby, take a breath, take a beat, and then take a chance. I would tell him to be his wonderfully confused self and live anyway. I would say to him, This is your life and no one else’s. You owe no one an apology and need not ask their permission to live. I’ve had the extraordinary gift of being able to say that to young adults and adults who wandered into my path through the years. I’ve been grateful for the opportunity.
Life is funny that way. Sometimes the very things we endured, survived, and overcame become our gifts. The things we thought might kill us become our strength, finally making the experiences fully come into focus as meaningful in our lives. Maybe that’s the gift of aging – we are given the opportunity to share our wisdom with one another. Maybe we’re all guideposts for our fellow travelers. As the late Dr. Bernice Johnson Reagon of the singing group Sweet Honey in the Rock said (paraphrased) - “We’re going to die anyway. We might as well live!”
Walk in love, my babies. Enjoy the ride even if it is bumpy at times. When someone is being ugly to you, laugh in their face. When the music is good, dance like nobody's watching. Risk heartbreak and love in abandon. Endure hard times and expect joy in the morning. Help everyone you can. Be quick to forgive. Life is precious, and we don’t have days to waste.
Finally, as an aging male, now comes the greatest cosmic question men have wrestled with for eons – what EXACTLY is the biological function of getting an abundance of ear hair starting in our 40s?
Jonathan Cain is a native of Florence, Alabama, and has been the current Curator for the Tennessee Valley Museum of Art located in Tuscumbia, AL, since January 2020. He functioned in that role previously for several years before leaving to pursue a career in education. He holds an undergraduate degree in graphic design from the University of North Alabama and graduate degrees from both the University of Mississippi (MFA – Sculpture) and the University of North Alabama (MA – Clinical Mental Health). He is an eclectic artist who likes to pursue many different media.
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