Pinky Swear: The Art of Aging Well

Image: by Author/Artist, Andrea Wheeler, Pinky Swear

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This year, my partner and I picked up a new book to read together: The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life by Katie Butler. In it, she introduces the idea of “slow medicine”—choosing nourishment and movement over quick fixes, and finding allies in geriatric and primary care rather than chasing a silver bullet. She calls it “modest tinkering,” the kind of mindful tending that keeps us well as we age.

I carried that idea with me into my poem, “Pinky Swear.” It draws from my own journey with healthy living and what happens when two people—partners in love and in aging—co-sign each other’s bad habits. In the poem, the figure in the wheelchair is weary of keeping score: the pills, the prescriptions, the appointments. The figure in white listens patiently, knowing this rhythm well—knowing whose medicine is whose, whose turn it is to push, to rest, to remember.

They fight. They bargain. But most of all, they love each other.

This piece is also an homage to my parents and the example they set. In 1975, when my father collapsed in the dining room and was rushed to the hospital, our family’s life changed. The diagnosis—diabetes—reshaped everything. My mother, always steady and resourceful, committed to feeding our family differently. No McDonald’s or Kool-Aid. Meals became measured, mindful, balanced. We followed the diabetic plan long before “clean eating” was ever a movement.

Mom planted tomatoes and began to study nutrition like it was a calling. And when my father’s doctor reviewed his improved lab results, he told her, “Mrs. Wheeler, you could have a career as a nutritionist.” She smiled, but I think she already knew that what she was doing was saving his life.

Even so, diabetes is a long road. Eventually, Dad began dialysis—a journey that lasted thirteen years. During that time, my parents leaned into each other in a way that was both ordinary and extraordinary. They found humor in the struggle. They found ways to keep joy alive. They refused to take the “fun” out of dysfunction.

Now, as I grow older, I understand what they modeled. Aging well isn’t about denying what’s inevitable; it’s about how we choose to live while we’re here. It’s about partnership, patience, and presence—the slow medicine of love itself.

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PINKY SWEAR

Andrea Jane Wheeler

I know it sounds like

“If I’ve told you once, I’ve said it a thousand times…”

Take YOUR medicine…

Don’t take mine.

Mine is for FITs and Fights, “I’m gonna be all rights”

and “good mornings” and “good nights”

Let me get this right…

Remember the time you picked up my glasses

And SWORE you were BLIND! but really

just

couldn’t

see?

AND, last week

You inserted my dentures mistakenly

thinking they were

YOUR teeth?

I mean, how hard could it be

I’ve Got MY Medicine

And not your remedy.

I swear on these stacks of bills

My pills won’t cure your ills,

However, we can go to the all-night buffet

And figure it out?

Get some fish sticks, potatoes, and

mac and cheese with stewed tomatoes

and finish up with a batch

of lemonade iced tea…

Then take our blood pressure together

and laugh about how

WE cheated the numbers

Cause I take my medicine,

“Where’s yours again?”

Yes, I know I said we should keep

our bottles separate

but there’s something

In Yours that I don’t get…

Maybe it’s the five milligrams of “Yes You Can”

Or that dose of “pain-free” knee

Could it be we need to investigate a better solution?

Perhaps see if some of the staff have a garden?

Maybe they can bring in some garden to us?

Remember when we used to grow? We were strong then.

Then, something happened.

I think it was the sugar.

Sugar in the eye- glaucoma

Sugar in the brain- dementia

Sugar in the blood- diabetes

Sugar in the joints- MY KNEES!

Oh, we can look at this mess tomorrow

For now, no more medicine to borrow

Let’s have a good kiss

And reminisce about our youth

Like a new pair

And drift off under halogen lights

like they are peaceful twilight

In on a dare.

“You know I love you, right?”

Pinky swear?

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About the Artist

Andrea Jane Wheeler

Andrea Jane Wheeler is an intuitive, prophetic artist based in Baltimore, Maryland. Working in various mediums and digital art, she creates spiritually inspired works that explore memory, ancestry, and transformation. A descendant of celebrated Harlem Renaissance painter Laura Wheeler Waring, Andrea Jane continues a lineage of artistic expression rooted in legacy and faith. Her art has been featured in juried exhibitions across the region, including The Black Art Today Foundation, Neiman Marcus, Kuumba III Exhibit, Mayor’s Office: The Foundation for Cultural Expression, Maryland State Fair, (Blue Ribbon Winner), The Eaton DC Hotel, Federation of the Arts, National Museum of African American History and Culture and various establishment in Baltimore and DC.