Reclaiming Your Energy: Just Say No, by Dr. Joyce Brown
- Camp Goldston Publishing, LLC
- Apr 28, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: May 3, 2023
Imagine this is how your life is happening right now.
1. The phone rings, and you hear a frantic voice asking, “Can you stop what you’re doing and come over here to help me (just fill in the blank)?
2. PING: a text saying EMERGENCY!! So and so did not complete their sorority service project obligations, and the nonprofit agency depended on us. Please bail us out. You’re retired and can complete the project with your eyes closed.
3. An unexpected knock on the door at 8:00 a.m.: my childcare provider is sick. Can I leave the kids here for the remainder of the week? I brought their food and extra clothes and just CashApped you some money to entertain them.
You say yes to the requests, although you have planned to exercise, try out a new restaurant, go to a movie, or just relax after completing some of your energy-depleting projects. At your age, you need to conserve energy for things you put off while building your career, raising your family, and trying to make a difference in your community. So use your time wisely in ways that reclaim your energy.
“Thanks. You’re a lifesaver.” Which you are for everyone except yourself. You are sleep deprived, anxious, and angry with yourself for letting other people drain your energy. You are sleep deprived because when you finally go to bed, you berate yourself for not saying NO. Your muscles are tight. You grind your teeth, and your eyes feel like you walked through a sandstorm in the desert.
At your most recent health check-up, your doctor told you to rest, relax, and release the overwhelming stress. You’re experiencing gastrointestinal symptoms because you’re a people pleaser who’s gone overboard helping others. It is now harming you. The doctor told you to take back your life and gave you a laundry list of suggestions, including talking with a professional about why you always need to help others to your detriment. Redirect your energy toward positive experiences and goals you’d set for this stage of your life.
Learn how to say NO and stop feeling guilty. Stop allowing other people’s failure to plan to keep you from protecting your peace. Don’t feel guilty about prioritizing yourself. I guarantee you are not the only person that they can ask for a last-minute favor or assistance. You are not helping. You are enabling them to depend on you when they should be assembling a support team for the emergencies that do occur.
Know your worth! Your time is valuable for you to fulfill your dreams. Pause. Reflect on what’s important at this stage of your life. The golden years are a reward for being responsible for educating yourself, fulfilling employment opportunities, raising a family, and being a good citizen. You should use your golden years for exploring, laughing, and trekking across new venues, even for taking risks that bring you joy.
Direct your energy toward a healthier, more vibrant you. You survived raising kids while managing career ups and downs, social obligations, and family drama. This last quarter of your life was designed for you to focus your energy on people, travel, and activities that enrich you, challenge you and expand your horizons. Not to become the backstop for everyone else’s life challenges or lack of appropriate planning.
Yes, the COVID Pandemic, unexpected illnesses, and actual emergencies require friends and family to ask you to lend a helping hand sometimes. But not to the extent that you deplete your energy levels and forgo that trip to Africa you’ve been planning and saving for to reconnect with old friends who’ve decided to emigrate there; they send you videos or calls with examples of the fun adventures you’re missing out on. Set around with drinks and good food, reinvigorated and energized to try something new.
Reclaim your energy now. You still have dreams you want to achieve. With that fresh burst of energy, make you the priority.
Joyce A. Brown is a motivational speaker and author who uses her creative energy to give voice and meaning to the challenges women face in all walks of life. She grew up in Rockford, Illinois in a household of strong women, but her professional career expanded her reach into Peoria and Battle Creek, Michigan. She is a proud member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. and has served as a direct services worker, executive director, program director for a major foundation, and entrepreneur. Joyce has experienced many uplifting moments as a professional and as a dedicated parent and strives to bring those events and lessons to life through her characters in the contemporary fiction novels she pens. Visit her Author’s Page
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