Style…a particular manner or technique by which something is done, created, or performed
- Dr. Joyce Brown
- 1 day ago
- 2 min read
Style resonated with me because there’s a financial responsibility hierarchy in my family and probably other families as well. The full weight of this hierarchy—how we respond, who makes decisions, even who starts the messiness—is displayed during crises—sudden death, or catastrophic illness when the sick person has no insurance, or during other devastating life issues.
The tenor of the crisis escalates through calls, emails, and texts. Even family gossip outpaces and outweighs realistic solutions to the matter at hand. The narrative is generally the same. Call the strongman or strongwoman. Present the problem without any analysis or attempt at personal resolution. Then the dramatic silence. Wait for the designated person to intercede, to ask the tough questions, and then to lay out a resolution plan. If the plan is acceptable, only then does the asker offer a soft “we’ll pay you back.”
The designated giver has to figure out an acceptable risk. What can I reasonably give knowing potentially this loan is actually a gift? Keeping records becomes arduous on the part of the giver because you don’t want your family members reduced to financial transactions.
Once the money is dispensed and the crisis dealt with, resentments tend to build up on both sides. Because of the financial elephant in the room, the asker and the grantor lose the ability to engage fully in the same personal relationship style they use with non-family members.
The asker becomes evasive, rewriting the obligation to repay, even painting the debt as the result of family helping family… until the next crisis happens. Let me insert here, very few family members have the long-term wealth to intercede in emergency situations. Therefore, the family narrative rewrites the obligation that a financially solvent person should be willing to extend a helping hand to all who need it.
Numerous other family members and close friends rely on limited information from the person in need and decide they can speak on the appropriateness of the bailout. After time goes by without repayment and the lender finally demands repayment, family, friends, and associates generally have something negative to say. Why are you asking for repayment now? The inference is we depend on your wallet. You are the solvent one. We’re all family.
Stop with the entitlement. Stop asking others for their money without any intention of repayment. Do a deep personal investigation into your personal financial responsibilities. Someone once told me that taxes and death are unavoidable. Plan for both of them in advance and manage your resources wisely.
Joyce A. Brown is a motivational speaker and author who uses her creative energy to give voice and meaning to the challenges women face in all walks of life. She grew up in Rockford, Illinois in a household of strong women, but her professional career expanded her reach into Peoria and Battle Creek, Michigan. She is a proud member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. and has served as a direct services worker, executive director, program director for a major foundation, and entrepreneur. Joyce has experienced many uplifting moments as a professional and as a dedicated parent and strives to bring those events and lessons to life through her characters in the contemporary fiction novels she pens. Visit her Author’s Page
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